It's too late that I can't do anything at all now.

I'm not sad because I just got to know he passed away. I'm sad because I never do what I needed and wanted to do.

Today is the day that I found out he was gone forever in June 9, 2008 and spent his last moment in KK, Sabah with his lovely wife and son.

All this while I've been carrying this close to my chest. Wonder how and whether meeting up with him is right. After our last meet up (8-9 years ago), mom furiously warned him to never call anymore. But what did he do to have mom gotten so angry at him after so many years?? I was so young I wasn't given any chance to make any decision. Every now and then, there were thoughts of meeting up with him again. It was just the matter of time.

Now that I'm older, I missed the boat already. I don't even have a chance to deal with it. I dont even have a chance to ask "how are you?".

I'm feeling rather relieved to know where he's at now. But not to what I expect to find out today. Up to this very moment, I tried to give some courage to myself but no avail.

May you rest in peace, my dear biological dad.