Torn in between........

what? what;s wrong? can somebody tell me? remember i had amnesia? hehehahaha.... it's all lie! it's my stupid mental! Sad to say, i dare not face myself. i lose everything. my confidence. my life. my future. too stupid to think. i feel lonely. nobody hears me cry, nobody hears me whine, nobody could put their ear near my chest to listen to me crying. no strength to tear. too tired to do so. all these lead me to stone. stone and stone and stone. doesnt want to face with problems... i'm so awful...

yah, only a few days back here in Malaysia. met up with the former swimmers. i miss those times when we didnt have to think of anything. didnt have to decide what we needed to do. basically, 3 of us were in highschool but the difference is only about our age. used to swim together, sauna, makan, movie, and gossips. now we met up again. 3 different path. 3 different life. 3 different kind of group of friends. we gathered and shared our 3 different lifestyle. nevertheless, we felt the gaps in between. the more i think of it, the more i feel sad. i'm so tired of trying to tolerate wit things. trying to catch up wit al these. i was very fake these few days. i couldnt act like how i used to. not genuine anymore. disguising myself is so burdensome. feel like breaking down man.... awful! now that i'm torn in between Singapore and Malaysia. two different lifestyle. and it's just a borderline that separate them....... hahaha.... silly-nya... i shud have expected this problem. nvm. not gonna elaborate more. i'm exhausted.... with my fucking life. full of shit and in a mess. not wanting to go on with my life anymore...

i wish i have a wishing well next to my house. if i were to wish, i have to be filthy rich and own millions of penny to make millions of wishes. oh oh.... if possible, i think one is enough. to wish.... this world has never existed!!!
leave me alone... i'm tired... please fucking go away... i've had enuf!