The day he flew again...

Oh well, another trip for his business. =(

Ahhh... Let me pour this little story off my chest since I have last visited you long ago..

It all started with:-

It was my first full time low-pay-starts-from-scratch-the-very-bottom job. I was screening through some directors/producers name thinking oh well, which are the cool ones that I could fish. To my knowledge, they were way too old for an inexperience young lady to interact with a different level that knows all the shit I was doing. I admit I was ashamed. I didn't think it was so different from the hollywood movie I watched.

Ok, back to square one. It started with one of the first ever job that bosses left us all behind to Singapore for a meeting (I was a newbie to the industry), I was assigned to call this guy, I screened through the name of the contact list and he sounded Cina-Beng. Oh well, nothing to be nervous of since I thought he wasn't one of the man I could check him into my criteria list.

I served nasi lemak and some food. Boy, he was so starked up and well, why waste my breath PR-ing with this scruffy lil looking man that made his own coffee instead of requesting for my service? BAH!

It came to my surprise that.... I picked up the calls, bombarded with tonnes of SMS to add him on MSN and ... I enjoyed listening and letting him express his joy of speech and allowing me to get to know him better. Thereafter, I decided to give this man a chance to share my story after being invited to put on the newly bought cover and bed sheet together in his crib. =) 

Unfortunately, here I am.. Chances given, time passes, here I am dealing with his habits that I could never imagine what I have got myself into. It's not these issues anymore now. It's a different issue after these phases..

Things would  always start getting complicated when I'm not working, however, Nam's pretty busy with work or he'll always be traveling for business.. I would like to be in control (emotionally), but at the same time, an encouragement is required as I always yearn for it and if you could return some to me would mean giving me validation/assurance. 

I've thought with my mind clear the last time we went for the medical consultation together and we both got into a major argument due to miscommunication. It was horrifying and it was the first ever time I was left with the damn guilt I've embraced for the 3 freaking years. I thought I wouldn't give a shit... I couldn't bear that freaking damn shit I thought the entire confusion/mixed feeling would shatter, soon into particles when you walked away. Shattered into pieces that I don't think I could be able to piece them back to the original confusion. Maybe I could, but am too naive to blame myself.

All you know, I am now learning to let my dignity/pride go. Trying my very best to mend all for this man that I'm still wondering... what got me into this.. the answer remain open..

I remember the smile I once had, I was smiling with no specific reason and it went from ear to ear. Boy, I miss those time that it gave me butterflies in my stomach.

I know I was expecting a mile even though secured me with his arm in my sleep every night and made sure we greet each other before we split for our own business or before we travels to lala land. With his chest embracing my back, and locking his arms across my heart.. Believe it or not, it does feel .... gleeful. Blissful - final!

Doris said we were fated in our past life. We are now together because fate brought us together from past life. I am now withdrawing and let fate decide if it is going to happen before Nov 2010.

It's just an ordinary day that put these smiles on us.
Heart with a 'heart'.