Blankard went on a bust and lasted for.....

*phew* Many things happen within the month since i last blogged. I dont know where to start.

Perhaps i should start with last nite's incident? Went to Zouk, dressing up like a whore, being stopped by bouncer to check on my ID. He said "You're not allow to enter because of your age". I kept quiet. I'm not 21. 3 months down, only i get to enter. This is a compliment dude! Not having bouncers to check on my ID in the past 3 yrs, and now only telling me, it's illegal for me to enter clubs. wahahhahaha.. But i managed to in the end. Didnt enjoy much though as I've got to watch hindie shows and I felt i didnt belong to that place. Too much trance and too lil booze. and hey! I've not been enjoying going to clubs lately... what's wrong with me? Left with nothing fruitful, hung out with Chinese spoken ppl which made it even worse. I couldnt understand much in total.

Spent half the day sleeping and another with stoning moment. what a weekend! was suppose to wait for the moon and mars to show up. to my dissappointment, the sky is fill with rainy clouds. =( By right, Planet Mars will be the brightest and you could see it with your naked eye. The next time Mars may come this close is in year 2287. And the news was 'postdated'. happened 3 yrs ago. http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2005/07jul_marshoax.htm Malu sial!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had quite complicating relationship with Mom lately. Couldnt communicate with her as i felt something. Something which I do not feel good. Have gotten advises for improving the relationship. They're helpful, but I couldnt do it. and I cant yet. Hate myself for being timid. As i said, i can forgive easily, but i cant forget. somehow, the scratches cant be mend and save.

And same goes to my work. work has been so shitty, so sucky, that i feel i don belong to the working world. An apology is something that cant be pour out from my mouth. Actually i'm looking forward to music industry. The thing is, music industry in Malaysia sux big time. All i have to do now is to collect myself back and bring myself up so that no one will look down on me. I'm so sick of doing this.


I have a major problem. I cant socialise anymore. Everytime i meet new ppl, i have butterflies in the stomach. Which does affect my job. Meeting new clients, unable to strike a good conversation and keep the contacts. Only the regular ones i could. I managed to pull back a client which she insisted not to work with me months back. Now, we're on talking terms and not like it's difficult to handle her! Yet, i am so blue thinking why I cant manage such a thing like striking a simple conversation. Maybe i'm too spoilt. worse thing, having ppl to make up to fit me comfortably.


Sad to say, having this new relationship actually affects my social life. I feel reserved. Couldnt speak up much, and confidence level going lower. Did try to solve it, i'm telling myself again to learn from scratch if this is the fucking problem. It's nothing to do with boyfriend, but i guess it's the time we spent together. Need to get out of this soon before i start losing friendships. I miss the old times.... =( and old me



let's let bygones be bygones