5a.m.???

wth? it's getting 5 a.m. soon and i'm still awake. damn concious... am not sure what's going on.. perhaps, i've not been sleeping early for the past few days and it's starting to mess with my sleeping time? *shrugs* i donno, it seems like my mind is blank..having unsolve problems... feeling insecure of myself . starting to lose myself to nothing. whole night i've been feeling edgy. thinking of lotsa things. couldnt decide to what i wan in life. another new yr is coming.will there be a new beginning? i wonder. as usual, bumming for 2 months already, realising that, i need to do something and get started soon... but i donno... all that i know now is to start learning how to walk through a tall brick wall.... let me do some more thinking .... the voice inside me doesnt has any respond.... so i feel a bit lost. as if my soul has wander too far away that i cant find in anywhere...


anyway, christmas day is as usual... pat's hse like a gathering. i didnt get to meet some old friends. kinda disappointed... but i did a sinful deed and it's stucked in my stomach....... which is cheesecake!!!! IRRESITIBLE i love them..... Thumbs up to Pat's mom..

again and again, we left the place at 12 and off we went to Mun's place for mahjong... at least i won some...... but today, another round of rummy, i lost quite a lot. luck is not coming to me, but to the girl that has AV. such a reverse thing and it's such a turn off...
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New yr's coming... so, i shall make a new yr resolution.

• soul searching
• be independant
• learn not to be too selfish
• learn to be an adult
• lesser of crying over silly things (ya, keep on teasing la)
• sleep early wake up early
• healthy regime
• learn to manage time properly ( i reli wonder, where my time goes to... i only could do lil thing in aday.. sometimes not productive at all)
• prioritize the right thing
• brush up back my piano skills
• mild down my stubborness

notice why i highlighted it? because, i wan it to be done, instead of saying only *fingers crossed*

i guess that's all? i have more... the list will go on and on, so..... first thing first.. *fingers crossed again*

i'll try to get some sleep now..... work out day for tmr... no!!! later... heh, i'll try to achieve my goal!

i miss that feeling....